The Burden of Unlived Lives: the Extensive Consequences of Intergenerational Trauma
Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist, and psychoanalyst is widely viewed as one of the pioneers of modern psychology. One of his most notable quotes is, "the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents."
This phrase speaks to the intergenerational transmission of trauma, i.e., the passing down of emotional, somatic, and psychological wounds from one generation to another.
The Far-Reaching Impact of Intergenerational Trauma from Historical Atrocities
Intergenerational trauma can occur when people or groups of people experience collective or historical trauma through horrific events such as war, genocide, slavery, colonization, forced displacement, natural disasters, terrorism, famine, and pandemics.
Examples of such trauma include and are definitely not limited to the following:
The trauma experienced by Indigenous communities in the United States: colonization, forced removal from their land, and boarding schools, where children were forcibly removed from their families and deprived of their language and culture. The legacy of this trauma is evident in the high rates of substance abuse, mental health issues, and suicide among Indigenous youth, as well as in the ongoing fight for land rights, sovereignty, and cultural revitalization.
Another example of intergenerational trauma can be seen in families affected by the Holocaust. The atrocities of the Holocaust, including genocide, forced labor, and concentration camps, traumatized survivors and their families in ways that have persisted for generations. Children and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors have also reported higher rates of mental health struggles, such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD, compared to those with no family history of the Holocaust. Moreover, children of Holocaust survivors may have grown up with parents who experienced nightmares, flashbacks, and other PTSD symptoms, which can impact the family dynamics and have lasting effects on the children's emotional and psychological development.
The historical trauma of enslavement and systemic racism in the United States has had profound and enduring effects on Black communities, including the transmission of trauma across generations manifesting as persistent health disparities, economic inequality, and unequal access to education and housing, as well as in the ongoing struggle for racial justice and equality. Moreover, studies have found that the impact of racism and discrimination can be felt not only by those who directly experience it but also by their children and grandchildren.
Dr. Thema Bryant answers the essential question: How do we collectively heal and liberate ourselves?
Intergenerational trauma, as described by Leah Warshawski whose grandmother Sonia is a Holocaust survivor.
The Epigenetic Inheritance of Trauma
Moreover, there is growing research in the area of epigenetics that suggests that intergenerational trauma, given its impact on how we cope with stress and regulate our emotions and behaviors, can even impact our DNA by shifting our gene expression or function without changes to the underlying DNA sequence.
For instance, a 20181 study indicated that male descendants of Civil War soldiers who were POWs had a higher risk of dying before the age of 45 than those whose fathers had not been POWs. The researchers came to the conclusion that paternal stress could impact subsequent generations via epigenetic mechanisms.
While it’s an evolving field that has received its fair share of criticism about the validity and reliability of the studies, one cannot overlook the implications that arise.
- Bonnie Badenoch, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships:
“The depth at which we take in the preceding generations astonishes me. There is likely an epigenetic component to this as well as transmission through the internalizations that get passed down through the generations. Whole cultures are carried forward that way, so it makes sense that family legacies might be transmitted that way as well.”
Trauma Transmission via Parents’ Unlived Lives
To get back to Jung, we all have an intrinsic desire to lead meaningful lives and realize our potential. However, when this potential is not reached, it can leave a void or a sense of purposelessness and unfulfillment. If left unattended, this state can be passed down from generation to generation, burdening children with the weight of their parents’ unlived lives. For example, when parents are unaware of their triggers, as children, we might start emulating that stuckness. Consequently, we might spend much of our lives trying to compensate for and overcome this. We may find ourselves trying to “fix or rescue them,” become emotionally withdrawn with Trojan defenses, or prioritize their needs and forsake our own.
This can become more painful as other stressors and sufferings occur, such as societal expectations, systemic oppression, financial hardships, domestic violence, and emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. For instance, children who witness or experience abuse are more prone to psychoemotional problems such as anxiety and depression. They may also be at increased risk of developing chronic health problems like cardiovascular disease and autoimmune disorders. Moreover, people who experience abuse or neglect may also be prone to engage in abusive behaviors as adults. This highlights how trauma can be transmitted across generations and perpetuate cycles of abuse and violence within families.
Some additional examples of burdening children with the weight of their parents’ unlived lives may look like the following:
Parents who pressure their children to achieve academic or athletic success based on their unfulfilled dreams: children may feel obligated to meet these expectations, even if it comes at the expense of their happiness.
Parents who have difficulty coping with their emotional struggles, such as anxiety or depression: children may have to grow up fast and assume a parentified role in the family. They deprioritize their needs and cater to their parents’ emotional world.
Parents who fulfill their emotional needs through the relationship with their children: children may feel the need to validate and reassure their parents as if they are responsible for their parents’ happiness; later on, they may struggle with boundaries and have self-sacrificing tendencies.
Parents who pressure their children to conform to their own cultural or religious traditions, even if they feel disconnected or don't fully understand them: children may feel like they are carrying the weight of their parents' cultural or religious identity, even if it doesn't resonate with them.
Parents who model their interpersonal behaviors for their kids, such as remaining in an unhappy marriage or putting their careers ahead of their families: even if they don't find them rewarding, kids could feel pressured to repeat these patterns in their relationships.
Parents who unintentionally pass on their challenging relationship with substances: children may experience feelings of guilt or resentment towards their parents or feel the impacts of their parents' struggles in their own life.
Healing Generational Wounds: Moving Beyond Parent-Blaming to Address Intergenerational Trauma
Dealing with intergenerational trauma without blaming parents requires a shift in focus from individual blame to recognizing the historical and systemic factors contributing to the transmission of trauma across generations.
One approach is to promote intergenerational healing by creating safe spaces for communication and validating experiences, fostering cultural pride and resilience, and engaging in collective efforts to address social and economic inequalities.
Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS): Legacy and Cultural Burdens
It's also beneficial to seek support from mental health professionals specializing in trauma to help heal from the effects of trauma. For example, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help us address intergenerational trauma by providing a framework for exploring and healing our parts burdened by our family's history. With IFS, we can identify and understand how our parents' or ancestors' experiences have impacted us and begin to work through the emotions and beliefs passed down through the generations.
One way IFS helps with intergenerational trauma is through the concept of legacy burdens. Legacy burdens are the beliefs, emotions, and behaviors passed down through a family's history and continue to impact the present. Through IFS, we can explore these legacy burdens and work towards releasing them, freeing ourselves from the burden of carrying our ancestors' pain.
Another way IFS helps with intergenerational trauma is through cultural unburdening. Cultural unburdening involves exploring and healing how cultural and societal messages have impacted an individual's sense of Self and identity. Through IFS, we can work through the cultural messages we’ve internalized and connect with our cultural roots in an authentic and empowering way.
Some parting thoughts
Most of us inherit some degree of ancestral trauma. However, the practice is not about blaming ourselves, our parents, or our lineage. Instead, if it feels right, we can start with the intention to pause and reflect on the following:
What messages have I received that I’ve absorbed and internalized from my parents, ancestors, and the systems I live in?
Are these messages of service to me today?
Is there a message I would like to unburden, release or give back?
By becoming aware of the impact of our ancestors’ unlived lives and challenging societal expectations and cultural norms, we can break the cycle of intergenerational trauma and have a life with more choice and possibility that feels true to us.
Warmly,
Anny
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.” - Carl Jung.
Kindly note: The information included in this blog is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for mental health services. Please consult with a qualified professional to determine the appropriateness of the information for your own life experiences or if you have any questions.
