Her teachings resonate with rare clarity and depth, conveying the potential for transcending egoic love and embodying a more expansive and profound form of love, which she describes as "being love."

During one of her lectures, she shared a beautiful metaphor that poignantly captures "being love," derived from a true story. This story, also referenced by Jack Kornfield in his book The Wise Heart, is a powerful reminder of the potential for transformational love within us all.

In the northern region of Sukhothai, Thailand's ancient capital lies an old temple with a majestic Buddha statue in its main hall. Despite being crafted from humble materials like plaster and clay, the statue's sheer magnitude commands reverence and awe from all who behold it. 

For over half a millennium, the local community has lovingly tended to this sacred artifact, nurturing it through tumultuous times of war, shifting political regimes, and capricious weather patterns. 

Its presence was a testament to the enduring spirit of faith and devotion that has sustained it for many centuries. However, during a prolonged drought in the region, the Buddha statue at the temple suffered from severe cracks in its surface. 

The monks, determined to repair the damage, brought a flashlight to inspect the extent of the harm. As the light shone on the statue, a wondrous sight unfolded before their eyes - a bright flash of luminous gold. Then, crack after crack, the same dazzling light shone through the crevices in the statue's covering, revealing a secret treasure hidden within. 

With every layer of clay removed, the largest solid-gold Buddha in Southeast Asia was unveiled in all its glory, a testament to the astonishing power of revelation and the transformative beauty that lies within even the most humble of forms.

We, too, adopt defenses and personas, don emotional armor, and exile parts of ourselves to protect our vulnerability from further harm, rejection, or ridicule. 

Our true Self - that vital, unvarnished core that defines us at our most authentic - often remains hidden beneath layers of fear and self-protection. And yet, like the Buddha's statue, the unveiling of our true nature can be an illuminating and transformative experience, reminding us that our most precious qualities are often the ones we keep hidden from the world.

RAIN: Accessing Compassion for Ourselves and Others

Tara Brach is among the psychologists who have adapted and expanded on RAIN, a meditation practice popularly attributed to mindfulness teacher Michele McDonald.

The RAIN practice is a profound tool for accessing compassion for ourselves and others. This simple acronym offers a pathway to mindful and compassionate awareness when faced with emotional difficulty.

Initially, the recommendation is to practice RAIN when things are calm. Then, sitting down and engaging in a more extended, personalized meditation session can help us experiment with the technique and determine what works best for us. 

Once we become adept at using RAIN, we can employ it in heated moments of contention with others or ourselves, allowing us to move through these steps whenever challenging feelings arise. 

R - Recognize What's Going On

To fully comprehend the inner workings of our psyche, we must first acknowledge the impact of our thoughts, emotions, and actions. This level of awareness is what we call recognition – the conscious acknowledgment of our present internal state. 

With a gentle whisper to ourselves, we can hone in on the prevailing sensations and become attuned to the intricacies of our inner world. Moreover, by noting our patterns, we can more easily recognize the presence of unhelpful thinking and its impact on our mental and emotional well-being.

Let's say you're feeling particularly anxious about a work presentation you must give. As you prepare for the presentation, you begin to notice a pattern in your thoughts - you keep telling yourself that you're going to mess up, that people won't be interested in what you have to say, and that you're not good enough for the task. 

These thoughts make you feel even more anxious and doubtful about your abilities. However, by recognizing these negative thought patterns, we have taken the first step to address them. 

A - Allow the Experience to be There, Just as It Is

Allowing means letting our internal experiences simply be, without the urge to fix or avoid anything. It is the act of acknowledging our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and sensations and allowing them to exist without resistance.

Perhaps we recognize a sense of fear or anxiety within us. Instead of trying to suppress or change it, we allow it to exist by offering affirmations. Tara Brach offers affirmations such as "it's ok," "this too shall pass," or "this belongs here, right now, as it is." 

Personal affirmations such as "it's ok" do not resonate with my internal system. Instead, acknowledging the reality of my situation and recognizing that I cannot change what is happening in the present moment is a more effective way for me to cope. Therefore, I seek ways to recognize the truth of my situation. 

For example, I may use words like "this situation is challenging, and a part of me feels hurt and confused," or "this is frustrating, and a part of me feels angry or anxious." By acknowledging the reality of my emotions and the circumstances around me, I can create a space to process and allow what is happening.

Allowing these emotions to be present creates a space for introspection and reflection; there is a pause that enables us to deepen our attention and cultivate a greater sense of inner understanding, observing our thoughts and emotions with openness and curiosity. 

I - Investigate with Interest and Care

The essence of investigation is exploring our present experience with a spirit of genuine curiosity and attentiveness.

How does my body respond to this moment? 

What part of me requires my undivided attention? 

What might this part be trying to tell me?

What assumptions does this part of me carry? 

What does this part need from me right now?

It can get tricky not to get lost in our heads and instead stay curious about the felt-sense of our experience. So let's explore an example of how this may play out: 

Let's suppose I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed about an upcoming project. Instead of accepting these emotions at face value, I might ask myself, "What might my overwhelm and stress be trying to tell me?" "What does it feel like in my body?" and "What does my overwhelm and stress need from me right now?"

Through this introspection, I may realize I'm feeling stressed because I haven't had enough rest or nourishment. By acknowledging my needs, I can offer myself the self-compassion I need to take a break, care for my body, and approach my work with renewed focus and energy.

N - Nurture with Self-Compassion

To nurture myself with self-compassion, I first recognize that I'm in distress - or, more precisely, a part of me is distressed - and then intentionally care for my inner experience. 

I can start by sensing what my hurt, wounded, or scared part needs and then address my needs. Does this part of me need acknowledgment? Reassurance? Space to breathe? Space to just be?

Moreover, when I am overwhelmed with thoughts like "this is never going to end" or "I cannot handle this anymore," I have discovered the value of acknowledging and validating my experience. Nurturing myself with the understanding that it is rational for me to feel this way, given the circumstances, helps me feel more supported and cared for.

For instance, I might say,

"My feelings of ____ are real and legitimate, even though a part of me believes that I should have known better," or

"Even though I understand that this situation is temporary, it is still valid for me to feel exhausted and anxious in the present moment."

It can be comforting to acknowledge that feeling vulnerable, anxious, exhausted, or distressed is an expression of our humanity. These emotions do not signify weakness or incompetence, and there is no need to impose change or try to control the uncontrollable. Instead, I can prioritize self-care and tenderness towards myself, allowing for comfort and security before determining our next steps.

• Recognize: "Wow, I'm really feeling overwhelmed right now. I'm feeling anxious and frustrated about this project, and it's making me doubt myself.

• Allow: Instead of pushing these feelings away, I'm permitting myself to feel them. It's ok to feel anxious and frustrated. I will let these emotions be here and investigate them with curiosity.

• Investigate: What is my overwhelmed part trying to tell or show me? Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Have I been taking care of my needs?

• Nurture: My overwhelm doesn't define me, and it doesn't mean I'm incapable of completing this project. I'm allowed to feel anxious and frustrated, but I am not these emotions. I can acknowledge these feelings without letting them define me.

Here’s a video where you can practice RAIN under Tara Brach's guidance. 

What I find most appealing about RAIN is that it doesn't expect me to deny my emotions. Sure, some of my thoughts, like believing I'm incapable or worthless, might not be helpful. Still, the fact that they aren't beneficial doesn't erase the fact that I feel them. 

Unlike conventional advice that suggests fighting negative thoughts with positive affirmations, RAIN acknowledges and accepts all of my complexity. 

I can be a mess but can I at least be a compassionate mess? 

In doing so, self-compassion feels within my reach daily; with practice, it can become second nature for all of us.

Warmly,

Anny

Kindly note: The information included in this blog is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for mental health services. Please consult with a qualified professional to determine the appropriateness of the information for your own life experiences or if you have any questions.